Delusions of Granger
by Xelan
Summary: Ron is absolutely, without a doubt, completely and utterly certain Hermione is madly in love with him. So much so that he prematurely makes a rash announcement. Hermione begs to differ. Light to moderate Ron bashing. Non-DH compliant. H/Hr. Format fixed.


Delusions of Granger  
by Xelan (devote Harmonian)

A/N: I find myself liking Ron Weasley less and less as time goes by. I cannot  
recall who it was but another fic author commented that he/she wished Jo had  
killed off Ron. I find myself slowly warming to that idea, but that's just my  
opinion.

Takes place in a fictional 7th year with DH never taking place. Non canon  
compliant. Mild to moderate Ron bashing ahead. Harmonious ending. I also take a  
few potshots at Jo. Thanks to Seel'vor and Disney for some ideas I borrowed.

I reference some of Half-Blood Prince, though I generally dislike the last two

books as well as parts of OoTP and I refuse to acknowledge the existence

of The Epilogue.

Dislaimer: I own nothing. All recognizable characters are owned by their respective owners.

********************  
"Special Note: Hermione's middle name is Jane in my universe. That is not a mistake on my part."

"Alright! Everyone listen up!"

Ron marched into the center of the great hall pulling an irate Hermione Granger  
behind him.

Once he stopped and released her hand Hermione yanked it back as if burned and  
glaring darkly at him, she hissed "Don't you EVER do that again!" To emphasize  
her point, she smacked him hard on the shoulder.

Looking chagrined, Ron addressed the entire school .

"Right, you lot. I know you've heard rumors that I'm dating Hermione and those  
other rumors that Harry..." Ron flicked his eyes to the newly arrived Harry  
Potter who had just run into the Great Hall.

"And the rumors that Harry and Hermione are dating. Well, I just wanted to put  
those rumors to rest once and for all." Ron grinned, as the audience seemed to  
be hanging on his every word.

"So the facts of the matter are that Hermione kissed me during the Battle of  
Hogwarts..."

Hermione cut in, "You prat! I only meant to kiss you on the cheek for helping  
Harry, but NO, you had to turn your head at exactly the wrong time."

"And she went with me and only me to Hogsmeade in 3rd year..."

Hermione rolled her eyes and snarked, "It wasn't a date. Harry COULDN'T go and  
no one else in the school was interested in hanging around with a know-it-all  
like me. I was bored and just trying to be a good friend."

"We've been having lovers' quarrels since first year; builds up the sexual  
tension don't ya know? And her cheeks always get flushed when we're together..."

Hermione mouth dropped open slightly and a look of disgust graced her face.  
"Lovers' quarrels? What in the name of Merlin and Morganna, are you talking  
about? We've been ARGUING since first year. You know, 'fighting' where two  
people do not get along, as in frustration and annoyance. And the reason my  
cheeks get red is because of anger, not because of some embarrassed school girl  
crush!"

The vehemence in her voice caused everyone to take a step back - everyone except  
Harry and Ron. Harry because he was standing behind Hermione with both hands on  
her shoulders trying to calm her down and Ron because he was Ron and naturally  
oblivious to most things that didn't concern food or quidditch.

"She's always helping me with my homework..."

Hermione looked around incredulously. "I help everyone with their homework! I  
have low self-esteem, all right? It makes me feel needed, useful, and  
appreciated when I help people succeed..."

Harry whispered into her ear and Hermione blushed.

"Yes, well, from most people a simple thanks is enough", she stammered lamely.

"She got oh so very jealous when I was dating Lavender..."

Hermione snorted in a very unladylike manner. "As we've just completed our  
education here at Hogwarts, I have no compunction whatsoever with admitting that  
Yes I was jealous, but I wasn't jealous that she was dating you. No, I was  
jealous that you were dating her. When you're fourteen, it isn't that uncommon  
for one girl to fancy another girl. And don't give me those dirty looks - Yes, I  
mean you Tracy and Daphne and you Parvati and Lavender."

She shook her head wearily and rolled her eyes once more. "I don't know what I  
ever saw in her."

Eyebrows rose throughout the hall and Harry looked at Hermione in an askance  
way.

She patted his hand lightly and shook her head. Harry then grinned at her and  
smiled as rakishly as his messy hair would allow. Hermione smiled back, raised  
one eyebrow at him, and finally nodded her head in acknowledgement. Harry's  
return smile was brighter than most lumos charms.

"She sought ME out during Dumbledore's funeral to comfort her when she broke  
down crying..."

"Hey. I was upset. Ginny was monopolizing Harry and I didn't think it was out of  
line to borrow a friend's shoulder to cry on."

Ron was beginning to wrap up his argument, seemingly unaware of Hermione's point  
for point rebuttal.

"So you see Hermione is obviously head over heels in love with me." He grinned  
proudly and reached out to try to grab her hand to pull her towards him, but  
Hermione would have none of it. She dug her heels into the stonework and leaned  
back into Harry to hold her ground.

Ron just stepped closer to her. "I would like to take this opportunity to  
formally announce Hermione Jean Granger's and my engagement!"

Everyone in the Great Hall looked shocked. It looked as if a sea of heads were  
waving back and forth as dozens and dozens of people turned to look at one  
another to gauge their reactions.

Finally, as a few nervous people began to feebly clap their hands, Hermione  
exploded in rage.

"WHAT! How DARE you, Ronald Bilius Weasley! First of all, my name is  
Hermione JANE Granger. Jean was Umbitch's middle name. Seven years later and you  
still don't even know that much! And another thing, I went on ONE pity date with  
you during sixth year when Harry and I were fighting and you jump from that to  
engaged just because you think I'm in love with you!

The crowd minus Harry and Ron stepped back again, having earlier inched closer  
to try to hear Harry's sotto commentary.

Ron looked inordinately pleased with himself. "Of course, Herms. Can't you see?  
I have just explained that you are deeply in love with me and you are obviously  
still just in denial. You might not be aware but it isn't just a river in  
Egypt," he said sagely.

Hermione turned partway around and looked up over her shoulder at Harry. The  
look of disbelief shown clearly on her face as she gestured toward Ron with her  
thumb.

Harry just shrugged.

"Harry! Good to see you, mate. I was just explaining to everyone that it's utter  
rubbish that you and Hermione are dating and announcing Hermione's and my  
engagement." Suddenly, Ron cocked an eyebrow and cast quick glances across the  
room. He leaned closer to Harry and in a manner that he hoped approximated  
shrewd meanwhile completely ignoring Hermione was stood just a half step away-  
he confided, "I know she loves me, but I think she's still a little confused  
over her feelings. You know how daft girls are at anything practical."

Harry said nothing and Ron took that as encouragement to continue.

It'll be great. After a hard day with the Cannons, I'll come home to my bushy  
haired little homemaker. She'll be by the stove cooking my supper while the  
little ones play on the floor with the dogs. We'll have nine or ten.

Raising an eyebrow and wondering whether Ron had actually seen that  
particular film, Harry decided to ask the requisite question. "Dogs?"

In good-natured annoyance Ron returned, "No, Harry. Strapping boys, like me!  
Gotta surpass Dad after all." Harry kept a calming grip on Hermione's  
shoulders. Ron blithely continued, "But as I was saying, I think SOME people  
still have doubts about me and Herms. Now I know you've never tried to encourage  
them, but I reckon these poor delusional people are the cause of Hermione's  
confusion."

Harry slowly started to gently move Hermione behind him to prevent her hexing  
Ron into goo. It was important to know exactly what Ron had in mind first before  
any action was taken.

"So I asked myself, being the strategy genius I am, how can I force Hermione to  
leave all her doubts about us behind so we can christen our engagement with a  
final romp in a broom closet before we leave Hogwarts for the last time? It had  
to be something bold, something quick, something only someone as brilliant as me  
could come up with. Finally, it hit me...you and Hermione have to kiss!"

Harry's grin returned and he could feel Hermione's arms slipping under his own  
and wrapping snuggly around him.

Ron nodded to himself and crossed his arms in what he considered a manly and  
self-assured pose. "It's pure genius, Harry. If you two kiss with everyone  
watching, then everyone will see how uncomfortable the two of you are. It will  
finally convince everyone that you've got a brother-sister completely platonic  
relationship. I know how gross it feels having to kiss your sister, but I would  
really appreciate it if you do this favor for me. Best buds and all that."

"Brilliant!" responded Harry and Hermione at the same time. They turned to one  
another and Harry tenderly caressed Hermione's cheek. "If it's alright with you,  
'Mione?"

She closed her eyes and a gentle, contented smile graced her lips. She tilted  
her head up ever so slightly and huskily said, "Absolutely all right, Harry".

The kiss started gently with only a peck to the lips, but as soon as it ended,  
it appeared they had thought better of it and lunged at each other once more.  
Harry embraced Hermione as if she was the most precious person in the world  
and Hermione's arms seemingly flew around his neck. Their lips crashed together,  
with hunger and longing.

The men in the room tugged at their collars as they witnessed the passionate  
snogging session.

Harry broke the death grip like kiss for just a moment as he repositioned  
himself. Hermione licked her upper lip in a seductive manner and leaned forward  
quickly to capture the lips of the Man Who Conquered.

The women in the room were fanning themselves as the gazed enviously at the  
Witch Who Was With Him. Even Tracy and Daphne felt flushed and they didn't even  
like boys.

All the while, Ron had been staring out at the crowd with his back turned to his  
two best friends. He was confident his plan would work and then he could finally  
work on kiss number two with his new fiancée.

Five minutes later, the crowd was still staring behind him with rapt attention.  
Ron was understandably confused. 'It shouldn't take this long' for them to  
realize they love each other like siblings', the redheaded ponce thought. He  
glanced behind him and saw, to his shock, his best friend and his future wife  
feverishly trying to tickle each other's tonsils with their tongues. He rushed  
towards them and with great effort pulled them apart.

Chuckling nervously, Ron turned to Harry. "Phew. Thanks there, Harry. You really  
hung in there. I know it must have been sickening, but you don't have to go so  
far just because your best mate asked you to. If you need to sit down or feel  
like puking I can conjure you a bucket. Nothings too good for you since you're  
helping finally bring Herms to her senses.

Hermione bristled at that last comment, and then suddenly looked quizzical until  
she finally nodded in satisfaction. She looked pointedly at Harry. "Now, Harry."

Completely ignoring Ron, Harry looked wide-eyed at Hermione. "Now? You mean it?"

With misty eyes, Hermione nodded again. "Yes, I don't want to wait anymore."

Harry let out a whoop of triumph and gathered Hermione into his arms. They both  
fished engagement rings suspended on gold necklaces from under their robes. Each  
putting one on, Harry looked out to the crowd. "I'm finally getting married," he  
declared.

Looks of shock rapidly spread through the hall.

Hermione took a pitying glance at the confused redhead. "Ron, you can't  
seriously have thought I would willingly become Hermione Jane Weasley, did you? I  
mean honestly Ron. If you thought that sounded pleasant then I have no doubt  
you'd have named your first "Strapping boy" Hugo Weasley or something equally silly.

Harry grinned at HIS fiancée and murmured to his beautiful, sexy, bookworm.  
"Hermione Weasley is about as likely as me naming a son of mine Albus Severus  
Potter. Can you imagine the ridicule a son of Harry Potter would face with his  
initials being the name of a snake?"

At that, Hermione began to laugh and she attempted to muffle her laughter in the  
warm embrace of her now publicly known fiancé.

Harry smiled lovingly down at her bushy hair and spoke the magic words while  
clutching her tightly. "Gretna Green!"

The portkey that was his gold necklace activated and yanked Harry James Potter  
and Hermione Jane Granger (soon to be Potter) out of the Great Hall.

Ron was speechless for a moment. It occurred to him that perhaps, just possibly,  
he had been mistaken about which rumors were true and which rumors were false.  
Not wrong per say, but not quite right either.

He looked out at the crowd of people and spotted Luna "Loony" Lovegood walking

past him on her way out of the hall. He grabbed her arm and turned back to the crowd,

oblivious to the glare she sent him.

"Alright! Everyone listen up..."

Neville sighed. Now it was his turn.

End

A/N I do intend to write that prequel and time skip sequel to What Changed. My muse;

however, demanded this get written before those two are finished.

omake: (This was the original Portkey friendly ending I wrote. Brian64 wrote  
the new ending, except for the Neville bit that I added)

He looked out at the crowd of people and spotted Luna "Looney" Lovegood, strangely enough,

standing right next to him. He grabbed her arm.

"Alright! Everyone listen up..."


End file.
